こんばんは、ｍです。
昨日、今日とチャレンジングなことをしてみました。
オンライン英会話のレアジョブで、英検１級のライティングを添削してもらうというものです。
結論からいうと、かなりおススメです。どこまで正確かわかりませんが、ミスを指摘されたり、伝わりやすい書き方を教えてもらったり。僕は、本番まで毎日お願いしたいと思います。
なお、昨日は、３０分まるまる使ってチェック＆解説してもらいましたが、本日は、１０分で添削を終え、残り１５分、駆け足でアーティクルレッスンを提供してもらいました。先生、フレキシブルで素晴らしい。
添削例（上段が添削前、下段が添削後）
２０１１年第１回（抜粋）
It is true that an education is an important thing
for everyone to get knowledge and make good personality.
It is true that education is
an important thing for everyone. We need education to get knowledge develop a
good personality.
For example, students have to pay costs of tuition,
text book and rent house if they live alone. And it is common these costs are charged for their
parents.
For example, students have to
pay costs of tuition, text books and also need to rent a house if they live
alone. It is common knowledge that
these costs are charged to their parents. This makes parents choose not to have
many children and might cause decrease of Japanese population.
Second, although much money is used to grow children until they graduate a college, opportunities of employment which related to their study in college are few. On the other hand, there are many jobs which are enough for person who got high school curriculums.
Second, much money is used to raise children
until they graduate from college. However, opportunities of employment which
are related to their study in college are few. On the other hand, there are
many jobs which are enough for person who has a high school degree. / studied a
high school curriculum.
In
conclusion, we should change this trend that almost all people enter colleges.
Only person who has a specific aim should enroll and graduate a college.
In conclusion, we should change this trend of almost all
people entering colleges. Only a person who has a specific aim should enroll
and graduate from college.
It is true that work is important thing in modern society to earn
money, archive something, get skills and connect to our society. I think,
however, there are more valuable things in our life. For example, they are
health, family and friends.
It is true that work is an
important thing in modern society. We need work to earn money, get skills,
connect to our society and use it to achieve success. I believe,
however, there are more valuable things in our life such as health, family and
friends.
２０１１年第２回（抜粋）
First, as KAROSHI became an international word,
some people in modern society work so long time and that they lose their
health. But if they have problems in their body, they cannot continue to work.
So to take care of health is much more important than work.
Karoshi is a
phenomenon in Japan wherein employees die from suicide due to mental health
problems caused by too much work. The word karoshi is now known around the
world. Some people in modern society
work for such a long time that they lose their physical and mental
health. If people work too hard, they develop problems in their body and they
will not be able to work in the long run. Thus, taking care of our health is
much more important than work.
Second, some people make family’s and friend’s
relationship worse because they are tired of work. They are not able to spend
much time with their family and friends. But which relationship will continue longer
family and friends or work? We must not ignore our private time.
Second, some people make their relationship
with their family and friends worse because they are tired from work and they
are not able to spend much time with their family and friends. But which
relationship will continue longer, our relationship with our family and friends
or our relationship with work? We must not ignore our private time. Because friends and especially family is with us
forever and work is just temporary.
いや～書いて添削してもらってみると、いかに自分がだめかわかります。アウトプット力はまだまだ１級には遠いかもしれません。
今日の単語
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